Underworld: Evolution

UNDERWORLD: EVOLUTION (Len Wiseman, 2006)

Picking up where 2003's UNDERWORLD left off, UNDERWORLD: EVOLUTION has Death Dealer Selene (Kate Beckinsale) and vampire-werewolf hybrid Michael Corvin (Scott Speedman) out to destroy the two brothers who established the bloodlines of these eternally warring species. Selene possesses the secret location of the über-lycan William (Brian Steele), even if she doesn't know it. Such knowledge has über-vampire Marcus (Tony Curran) searching for her so he can be united with his brother, a reunion that will surely cause all hell to break loose.

Although not a video game movie in its conception, UNDERWORLD: EVOLUTION is one in execution. It's little more than fight scenes functioning as level-completing that lead to big bosses who must be defeated to advance to more elaborate battles and more powerful foes. UNDERWORLD: EVOLUTION is what an Uwe Boll movie would look like if Sony's money were behind it rather than German financiers and if it lacked any unintended laughs. At least Boll is good for hilarity through his incompetence. There's no joy in how director Len Wiseman realizes his poorly-achieved vision.

UNDERWORLD: EVOLUTION is a humorless, colorless film without a single redeeming quality. Some films have gratuitous scenes; all of UNDERWORLD: EVOLUTION is gratuitous. Wiseman uses an unattractive bluish-silver and black palette to drain the film of color. The look was probably achieved through digital tweaking, so he might as well go all the way and make it black and white.

Time and again Wiseman shows the tiresome computer-generated transformation of people into creatures of the night, a repetition that gets old less than halfway through the film. Also unwelcome is that short of obliteration, it's impossible to kill the vampires and lycans, putting little at stake in the innumerable fights. The mumbo jumbo about the ancient struggle between vampires and lycans is as difficult to follow as the edit-shredded action scenes. Overwhelmingly clear is that UNDERWORLD: EVOLUTION is a terrible, terrible movie.

Grade: F