Baywatch

BAYWATCH (Seth Gordon, 2017)

Mitch Buchannon (Dwayne Johnson) and his beautiful team of lifeguards in BAYWATCH don’t just keep Emerald Bay’s beachgoers safe; they function like a pseudo-police force to ensure the city’s well-being. Disgraced Olympic champion Matt Brody (Zac Efron) expects just to show up and become a member of the highly esteemed unit, but Mitch insists that he earn one of the three coveted spots available to this year’s class of hopefuls. Summer Quinn (Alexandra Daddario) and the out-of-shape but tireless Ronnie (Jon Bass) prove their worth to join a Baywatch squad that already includes the disarmingly pretty CJ (Kelly Rohrbach) and second-in-command Stephanie (Ilfenesh Hadera).

The drugs washing up on the beach are a concern to Mitch, but the bodies that his team finds point to a bigger problem. He suspects Victoria Leeds (Priyanka Chopra), the new owner of the Huntley Club, has something to do with all of this but lacks proof. Determined to set things right, Mitch and the rest of Baywatch investigate what’s going on with the city’s elite and well-connected.

The film version of BAYWATCH brings back the beefcake and cheesecake, memorable red swimsuits, and slow-motion jogging on the sand and in the surf that established the TV series as a syndication mainstay and guilty pleasure through the 1990s. Director Seth Gordon and the film’s writers strike a somewhat irreverent tone in handling this unserious material, yet laughs get pushed aside the more BAYWATCH becomes invested in solving the unsurprising mystery driving the story. The filmmakers acknowledge and make light of the prurient appeal of the source material and this adaptation, but unlike clear inspirations 21 JUMP STREET and THE BRADY BUNCH movies, which break free of and mercilessly ridicule the original TV shows, BAYWATCH maintains a certain reverence for its predecessor that seems highly misguided. What should be silly fun becomes kind of a drag as it focuses on cracking a case.

Johnson bubbles with so much enthusiasm that by sheer force of will he tries to sell this mediocre comedy as premium product. He’s made his share of middling films, including this one, but give him credit for expending maximum effort even when he doesn’t have much to work with. For a film as conscious of body image as BAYWATCH, Efron looks painfully ripped, which might have served as a good joke if it weren’t indicative of a literal arms race to try and match Johnson’s appearance. In the NEIGHBORS films Efron has served well as a comic foil but gets crowded out here.

Ironically, the BAYWATCH film probably makes for an accurate adaptation because it can be passable as an eye-catching distraction while not being any good. The failure of imagination may stand most starkly in how the film integrates the two cameos anyone reading the opening credits awaits. Of course David Hasselhoff and Pamela Anderson drop by, but their moments are so perfunctory that it feels as though they are included to meet contractual obligations. What could have been broadly entertaining comes off as highly uninspired.

Grade: C-

Mike and Dave Need Wedding Dates

MIKE AND DAVE NEED WEDDING DATES (Jake Szymanski, 2016)

The Stangle brothers know how to have a good time at family gatherings, which is exactly why the rest of their family insists they bring stabilizing guests with them to their sister’s impending nuptials in MIKE AND DAVE NEED WEDDING DATES. Mike (Adam Devine) and Dave (Zac Efron) tend to wind one another up and indiscriminately hit on women at family functions, so the hope is that requiring them to bring dates when Jeanie (Sugar Lyn Beard) marries Eric (Sam Richardson) will keep them from ruining the big day.

Mike and Dave love their sister and want to do right by her. They place an ad on Craigslist that goes viral and appear on a television talk show with the aim of finding the perfect women to accompany them to the destination wedding. A free trip to Hawaii attracts all sorts of eager applicants, although the brothers manage to have the good sense to realize that these particular women are probably bad choices. Tatiana (Aubrey Plaza) and Alice (Anna Kendrick) are wild partiers looking for an adventure and thus not the nice, steady types who are supposed to be picked. Nevertheless, they get selected after conspiring to bump into Mike and Dave under the pretense of being sweet, responsible professionals who are unaware of the island vacation that awaits those who make the best impression on the brothers.

The tables are turned on the Stangle boys, as they gradually become aware that they have brought the female versions of themselves to the wedding. While some humor is found in observing the wreckage Tatiana and Alice create in MIKE AND DAVE NEED WEDDING DATES, this comedy tends to equate funniness with the volume at which people are speaking. The operating principle seems to be that nearly everything is more amusing if it is being yelled. (For the record, it isn’t.)

MIKE AND DAVE NEED WEDDING DATES tries mightily to trade on the energy and appeal of its cast. Despite their willingness to go for broke, the film has little to offer beyond a lot of overly familiar or borrowed gags, one of which is essentially copped to on screen as being lifted from WEDDING CRASHERS. I don’t know how much was scripted and how much was improvised on set, but the recurring use of montages hint at an effort to patch together something from ad libs. MIKE AND DAVE NEED WEDDING DATES consists mostly of concept. The rest is dog-paddling to last long enough to capture sufficient footage to assemble.

The general laziness aside, the lack of definition to the core characters stands out as a clear weakness. The performances by the main four show the strain of trying to compensate for little to work with. Plaza emerges most unscathed, perhaps because her apathetic screen persona comes across almost like a knowing dismissal of the film from within. Kendrick is woefully underserved, in part because the film doesn’t really know who her altar-jilted party girl is. The flimsily-conceived Mike and Dave leave Devine trying to fill the void by sheer force of will while Efron gets the thankless task of playing the one learning life lessons. MIKE AND DAVE NEED WEDDING DATES coasts on fleet pacing and residual appreciation for the primary cast, which is another way of saying it’s running on fumes.

Grade: C